The Why? (third draft)

It’s advent. It is a season filled with hope and faith that gets sadly overshadowed by the commercialization of this holiday. The giving inflates and the reasons get moved aside like that last end-piece of the fruitcake at the party. What’s so important about this season is that it’s representative of the word “coming” in two unique ways. One, we are celebrating the first coming of Christ, the excitement and joy that is found in His birth on Christmas. And two, the word “coming” is what engages our faith and hope. We are declaring that we indeed desire His second coming. Though we may say we desire Him, the proof is in the plum pudding, so to speak. We must behave and believe we want Him to return to us. The philokalia project is preparation and improving readiness to fortify this declaration.

It’s advent. And in May of this year I tried to start this blog and got through 2 posts and paused. Okay, I paused for months and months. I was paralyzed by the thought of these posts not getting to the true meaning and perfect articulation of what I wanted to express about this project. But as I live and suffer through this lesson, I’m learning that it is when I embrace my humanness, my very imperfect self that I can invite the Holy Spirit into my life to heal my wounds. I’ll need to tell myself this over and over for days on end and years to come but I’m the only one who thinks I need to be perfect. God for certain knows I’m not. And the ones who love me truly see I’m not. Our imperfections don’t define us. So in the spirit of Christmas (the hopefulness of Christ’s return) I’m going to blast through the devil’s attempt to hold me up. I’m going to blast through the fear of posting an imperfect post. Even more, I’m going to leave up my previous posts for which this was meant to be yet another draft. (As writers, we should love our imperfect first (and second) drafts.) I’m going to begin this project, as I’ve wanted to do for months now, and struggle through it with prayer, study and my faith.

The Why? (second draft)

Recently I read the account of St Ignatius’ St. Paul-like conversion to a Christian way of life. The image conscious and fame seeking man suffered a devastating injury to his legs in battle leaving him rather unable to pull off the trendy tight leggings of the royal courts in that time. His vanity got the better of him and he decided on a cosmetic surgery, quite elective for the time, to fix his legs. While he lay there healing for months, he read Vitu Jesu Christi and Flos Sanctorum among others. His conversion thereafter was actually rather unlike St. Paul’s in quickness but similar in significance and completeness from start to finish. It’s as if a small seed was planted upon those readings in Iñigo’s heart, one that first needed to grow strong roots before any blossom could come forth. St Ignatius went on to be the author of Spiritual Exercises, the founder of the Jesuits and a teacher, both by example and word, of Christianity. Inspired by his faith he spread the Word of God.

It’s no small thing to do but as my Christian faith has so far taught me, it’s an ultimate example and representation of oneself. Reading of his conversion I wondered what work of the Holy Spirit struck with him and drove out the darkness in his soul to take on such a dramatic change. I wondered and longed for the same connection in Christ to live Christianity. I feel silly dreaming of being a saint and trying to find some common ground there. The common ground is only that we were both made in the image and likeness of God and born with Original Sin. Our times, our opportunities, our minds, are all different. But just as Christ lives, so does the burning desire in our souls to find Him in our hearts. I share that desire with St. Ignatius and I believe that others living now do too. The philokalia is to act as my itinerary in guiding me towards that consciousness with Christ. I’m inviting my readers (or reader as I think it is now) to join in prayer for this journey of mine and the journey’s of others who have yet to be lead toward Christ or are in the current moments of doing so now. It’s epic. And I’m happy to share my struggles and successes here.